Most supermarket shoppers will have noticed that we pay a little extra for free range produce. We can buy the cheaper stuff, but we’ll have to sleep with the images of chickens squashed up in cages, losing their feathers, growing old without ever seeing the light of day. In this way, grocers hold our morality hostage and set their ransom. If we want to clear our consciences, we’ll need to pay the price.
So where does that extra money go? Usually, you’ll just hear that there are extra costs involved in operating free range farms, and the details are left secret. But here at the Dionasaurus Free Range Farm, we have nothing to hide. We’ll tell you exactly where that extra spending goes…
On a typical farm, the hatching of a new chick rolls on by like any other day, and no one cares. Here, we really do care. Each newborn chick that cracks its way through its thin eggshell is greeted with a birthday party like no other, with snacks and presents. More importantly, by the time they take their first breath, they’re given a name, because at this farm, we celebrate each unique chicken’s individuality.
Unlike other farms that limit the lifespan of their chickens, we do everything we can to make sure each and every one of our chickens have the best chance at a long, happy life. We have a very respectable schooling system in place to make sure all our chickens grow up with a promising shot at a prosperous future, and provide facilities for various extracurricular activities. If a baby boy chicken wants to grow up to be a dancer, then we won’t stand in his way – we’ll help him get there.
While chickens on other farms will be forced to meet their doom, our chickens will be entering a fulfilling workforce into an industry of their choice. Most of our female chickens choose to become egg laying hens which produce the ethical eggs we deliver to your local supermarkets. However, some chickens feel that the egg laying industry is sexist, as it excludes our roosters, and because of this, we have ample other jobs for the rest of our feathered family, ranging from coop construction to flight tuition. We also have an Equal Opportunity policy in place, so that chickens of all colours get a fair go.
During their lives, our chickens will experience more joy than any other farm could offer, with birthday celebrations each year, and even Wacky Hat Wednesdays to keep workforce morale up to scratch. Performance is rewarded with trips out of the farm to the cinema, and sometimes lucky chickens even get a taste of the big city.
Sadly, despite all the effort we put in to keep our chickens happy and healthy, they are still mortal, and therefore do succumb to death eventually. When one of our chickens becomes too old and dies in our comfortable and peaceful retirement coops, each chicken on the farm is dyed black for three days of mourning, and photos from that chicken’s life are posted throughout the farm. After the third day of mourning, the chicken’s body is then sent off to your local supermarkets, but only if the chicken had chosen to be a body donor.
So if you opt to buy the cheap eggs, before you go to sleep at night, think of the cruel, short lives of all the chickens that died to give you that fried breakfast you’re looking forward to in the morning. But if you buy our Dionasaurus Free Range Farm eggs, you can rest easy, thinking of our happy chickens – reaching their life goals, going to the movies, experiencing the big city, and maybe even marrying a cute, stocky rooster, before settling down into a quiet retirement. Sure, our eggs are a bit more expensive, but obviously, with all our effort, we think it’s worth it.
The choice is yours.